It is never cut and dry. I have been on a maternity leave for 15 weeks now and I have 10 more to go. Every single day for the last 15 weeks I have found myself obsessing about the fact that I will have to go back to work eventually, thus leaving my beautiful B. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I get angry and sometimes I create pipe dreams about winning the lottery or writing a novel that will make me millions so that I can work from home. Behind every minute that I spend with him from story time to tummy time to feeding time, I have this quiet feeling of dread about leaving this child 5 days a week in the care of someone else.
That is why last week when a coworker called me to fill me in about what has been happening in my absence, I was shocked when I began, for the first time, to desire going back to work. It was a desire that lasted for a fleeting moment and that was followed by confusion, but it is also a desire that has reappeared a few times since.
The confusion stems from the fact that I know in my heart of hearts that I do not want to leave my little man. But the desire comes from the fact that I am just so lonely for adult contact being home with a 3 month old all week.
I think about my Stay at Home Mom cousin. Her daughter was about 18-months-old when she moved her family here a couple of years ago. Upon her arrival, my cousin immediately went on Meetup.com and joined Mom’s groups, Playgroups, YMCA programs and anything else that would promote social interaction for both her and her daughter. She now has more friends than she can count and had about 30 children attending her now 3-year-old daughter’s birthday party. She has very full days with her 2 children and multiple meet ups. I suspect she is rarely lonely.
I have been to Meetup.com multiple times per my cousin’s suggestion. I even signed up for a stroller walker group when B turned 6 weeks old, but then decided that I should wait until his sleep patterns were more consistent before I began showing up at 8am with my stroller. Part of me wants to jump in so that I can meet moms from the area, fill my days with social interactions, and find people that I as a new mom can relate to. I then wonder how much a 3-month-old who has only recently come out from under the fog of newbornhood and whose only social interactions are smiling, grabbing things, and babbling will be able to “play with the other children while the mothers socialize.”
I suppose it is just another classic case of fear of the unknown. What if I don’t like them? What if they don’t like us? What if it is like high school where cliques form and we are regarded as the “weirdo band geeks?” I have plenty of friends- weekend friends, work friends… but the fact of the matter is that for the next 10 weeks I have no “Mom friends” that are going through similar things that I am.
So, here I go. Giant step. After writing this out I have made a big decision. Meetup it is. Wish me luck!!!
RookieMama 
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