Four Years Later…

I still don’t know what I’m doing.  But I’m just going to come here and write.  About my life.  My kids. My job. My dog.  Just days in my life.  Just journaling. Will others read it?  I have no idea.  Can others read it? No clue. But I will come and I will write and I will leave that as my goal.

I came here four years ago when B was 3 months old. Then life got crazier. I went back to work when he was 6 months, got pregnant with number 2 when he was  2 years and had C when he was a little under a month from turning 3.  Then followed a blur of sleepless nights, pumping and crying, lactation consultants, potty training, lots of time outs, borderline PPD, and me looking so much older today than I did 4 years ago.

But it’s been a year since C was born. And life is good.  B is (mostly) potty trained, C feeds himself, the terrible 2/3s are over for now and our family is fat and happy.  I returned to work 10 months after C was born and it didn’t take long for me to begin losing my mind. Contrary to popular belief, working full time does not equal being a part time mom.  A mom is a full-time mom regardless of whether her children are standing in front of her, Nana, or a daycare worker. And I found it very hard to juggle 2 kids, a full-time job, a house, dog, husband, social life and fitness routine and still manage to walk out of the house fully clothed or not wearing slippers instead of shoes. And so I am making a change. While I am on vacation for the summer now (and yes, life IS good), I must return to work in September.  When I do that, I am going to be working (GASP) part-time.

This is a dream that I have had since before I had kids.  To be able to spend much desired time with my children during the week, but also have a creative outlet in which I could use my brain for things other than potty training or a four-year-old’s summary of what happened on Transformers.  And still be earning money.  The money will be HALF of what I was earning previously, but…hey, can we put a price on time?

I am excited. I am apprehensive. I am tired and so hoping that this may bring some sort of balance into my life so that I can really focus on the people and things that I love instead of just trying to keep up with my life.

I am happy to be here. Life is good.  I want to write. I want to share. I want this out there. Being a mom has made me such a stronger, more self-assured person. I love it and I love how it has shaped the definition of who I am and what I want to accomplish in this life. But it can be a lonely place. And it seems to be a place that can only truly be understood by those who are making the same journey. Perhaps I will find no one out here in the bloggosphere. (Is that what it is called?) But perhaps I will make a connection or two and a moment of recognition and understanding will be shared and respected. And that would be good too.

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